Welcome to the curated confidence. The space where beauty meets truth and confidence isn't just talked about. It's built, and no, not with a filter. I'm English black pa, med spa owner, aesthetic coach, and a woman who has walked through fire to stand in her power. If you're here, chances are you're not just chasing a glow up, you're craving a life that feels unapologetically your own.

This. Podcast is about what it really takes to own your story, embody your worth, and express your beauty from the inside out. Not for perfection, not for applause, but because you are done abandoning yourself for everyone else. Each week I'll bring you real talk mindset shifts and the kind of unapologetic truths that help you curate confidence, not just in the mirror, but in how you move through the world.

You ready? Let's get into it. Today's guest is Alani Bankhead, a leadership coach, [00:01:00] former US Air Force Service member, and now a candidate for the United States Senate Iolani's Path to Leadership. Did it begin on stage or behind a podium? It began. Service, and we're just so happy to have her. Her military background shaped her understanding, understanding of discipline, responsibility, and sacrifice, but it was her journey after the uniform that really deepened her work helping.

Women and people unlearned silence, reclaim trust, and lead from a place of integrity rather than performance. My kind of gal, through Mighty Sparrow coaching Alani has guided former service members who are powerful, capable, and accomplished, yet often carry the invisible weight of expectation. Boy, we don't know anything about that here, do we?

To step into their author without abandoning their humanity. And now she's taking that work into the public arena. Her decision to run for the US Senate isn't a pivot away from coaching. It's an embodiment of [00:02:00] it. It's what happens when a woman stops waiting to be invited into leadership and instead answers the call herself.

Today we're talking about confidence as forged through service leadership that doesn't require self erasure and what it truly means to stand visible in your values, especially when the stakes are high. I'm so honored to welcome Alani. Bankhead. Oh my gosh. Thank you English. I am so excited to play with you again.

You are such a light and I'm so thankful our paths crossed all that time ago, and so it's just, I'm excited to talk to you today. And I'm just so excited to have you. I mean, you're such a force of nature and you yourself are such a bright light, you just are magnetic. So I know our listeners are just gonna gain so much insight from you today.

So thanks for being here and sharing your time with us. Thank you. Yeah. Well tell our listener about your shift from military life, how it shaped you and to private coaching. 'cause you are quite the force of nature. Yeah, my [00:03:00] journey of service started when I was born. I'm third generation service member.

My dad, um, and my grandfather deployed to different wars and I just grew up in that environment. So almost everyone in my family is military or law enforcement or both, or like tangential to it, right? Like all the moms and grandmas that supported those very difficult career paths. I consider them to be in service to, right?

And. I always felt a calling to protect the vulnerable. The way it manifested was very different than what I initially planned and. I am actually gonna be retiring from the Air Force next month, which I'm so excited. Yeah. So 21 years I've hunted terrorists with special operations, so the people in movies with briefcases full of money that are, which like changing it for, for Intel.

That's what I used to do. That's you? That's me. Yeah. Um, I've chased spies all over the world. I'm actually a child sex crime specialist, so I do a lot of human trafficking cases [00:04:00] and I realized a long time ago that actually I can. Be effective working cases in whatever mission I'm doing, but I can be more effective if I multiply the confidence in other people so they could do the work.

Yeah. And that's how we start building compound effects in our ability to protect the vulnerable. And so all of this has just been an evolution of. Understanding that my purpose is uplifting and protecting life. And it's evolved into helping people understand that they matter, right? Like, and I mean, it sounds cheesy, but it's this.

There have been trillions of people in the history of humanity and you exist now and there's never been anyone like you, and there will never be anyone like you and you think you were an accident or that you're inconsequential, like I don't believe that at all. And so at the same time when I was younger, I had.

Serious imposter syndrome. I thought I was too female, too brown, too young, looking too small to do these kind of badass jobs that I had. And honestly, even when I look [00:05:00] at pictures from back in the day, oh, I forgot to mention I was a senior Pentagon bodyguard, so I had a team of bodyguards that worked for me and.

And I look at pictures from that time and I'm like, am I that short? Really? Because I just don't feel that way. But big energy, big energy, big energy. But I felt super inferior and unqualified for all of those positions. But it wasn't until I realized that the things I thought that made me inferior were actually the things that unlocked the greatest successes.

So like my physical appearance, say more. I'll give you examples actually. So my physical appearance allowed me to go into parts of Iraq that my big muscly American male counterparts couldn't get into, so I could get intelligence that nobody else had access to. Um, when I was a senior Pentagon bodyguard, oh my God, that was the ultimate when they called me for that job, I literally was like, you have the wrong file in front of you.

I know you're not talking about me. And they're like, Nope, you're the person we want. And you know, through the train, like we go through secret service [00:06:00] training. I learned that, um, protection's all about the physical space and how you control it. It has nothing to do with what you look like. Yeah. And not to mention the fact that my trigger finger works just as well or better than most of my counterparts.

Right. I love it. But, but what was interesting was when I left that job two years later, the schoolhouse called me and they said, you are the only team that hasn't had any security incidences. In your during your tenure, and we think it's because you have the element of surprise. Like a lot of times when a threat presents you have to react and you don't know the why.

And the why doesn't matter in the moment. You just have to neutralize it. Right? But they were of the opinion that because you don't appear like a bodyguard, you don't have mentally ill people kind of trying to bow up on you. Right? And so that was when really kind of this universe was unlocked of all these things I've been trying to hide and suppress about myself, I actually need to put at the forefront.

So I love that. I love that so much. So it's really, [00:07:00] instead of feeling that feeling out of place, but recognizing that those things work to your advantage, it sounds like you really took it in. Oh yeah, a hundred percent. And now I lead with it. It's so fun and so magical, and it's honestly the most connective thing possible I've found to do, right?

When we lead with the hard parts of our stories, people resonate with that and they feel less alone, and they feel a little bit more empowered to put themselves out there, you know? And so I've gone through a lot of trial and error, and it's scary. I mean, we know business ownership is not for the faint of heart.

But it's about knowing like if this is the calling I have on my life, I'm not gonna fail. Right. It's, it's not winning or losing. It's winning or learning all the time. Yeah. Um, and so I teach people whether it's, you know, when I was doing human trafficking work, it was about protecting the vulnerable because they deserve to live a life free of trauma.

Mm-hmm. Um, so they can thrive. Right. And they can matter. As big as possible. And then, [00:08:00] um, my business is all about helping people unlock their secret sauce on how to harness those weaknesses to their advantage. Mm-hmm. And running for office literally is. I mean, I love America and she's got her problems.

Don't, don't get me wrong, you know, we got some stuff. We gotta work. We all do. And this hooker is no exception. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love you so much. Um, yeah, America's got her problems, but I've been all over the world. I, I haven't. Counted in a while, at least 75 countries. She's the best the world has to offer.

And, and as a service member, I and my brothers and sisters did not go to war and make sacrifices so people could play small in America. I know, right? Like, I'm like, I want you guys to live the biggest fullest lives because the world needs that example of what's possible. And so we each have an opportunity to do that.

And I love what, what you're doing with your business. I mean, you've completely. Open my aperture to what's possible [00:09:00] in terms of the work you do, your why, and it's just so powerful and beautiful to see you shining so brightly. Even though, you know, internally we're all kind of a mess. You know, a good chunk of the time we're, we all are, but, right.

But it's what, how are you harnessing that to work for you to create that connection? Yeah, I love that. And I, I think that's what we have so much in common. I'd never heard you put it in those words, but protect the vulnerable. I had this immediate memory of really unleashing MyFu, my full tiny fury on all the neighborhood boys who were picking on my overweight brother.

So where did that come from for you? Oh my goodness. Um. Yeah, so actually I, I see breadcrumbs throughout my whole life, and that's another important tool that I tell people to dig into is you have these core memories that will connect the dots for you. Mm-hmm. Um. I mean, first I just was, I grew up in a house where it was, life is not [00:10:00] about you, it's to be in service of others.

So I'm, I'm glad I had that training and I think everybody has their own training. Um, but then I remember my dad taught at West Point and there's an event called Beast. It's their in kind of their induction. So they come in, they do the summer camp, and when they come back, if they've made it, they're officially cadets and they're welcomed back into the community and the whole community is there cheering them on.

And so like. 9-year-old me is standing there and I'm watching these people and I'm like. They just, instead of a college experience, they're suffering this summer. Yeah. For something bigger than themselves. So they can write a blank check to America and say, I'm willing to lay my life on the line. Lose my life.

Yeah. Right. And I was like, I wanna be part of that. Like, I don't know who these people are, but it just resonated really strongly. And then even my dad was stationed at the embassy in Bogota, Columbia during the height of Pablo Escobar drug narco time. Like really dangerous. And seeing the beauty of the Colombian culture being just [00:11:00] ravaged by narco trafficking, I was like, this is not okay.

Like innocent people are. Yeah. You know, being devastated. Not to mention the fact that on the user end there's so much devastation from narco trafficking. Right. And then, um, so I thought I wanted to do counter drug stuff and then I accidentally became an agent and. I had my, my very first case was an attempted murder case that turned into a child exploitation case.

Wow. And I, I got the confession. Like, I literally was like, this dude is not gonna talk to me. Like, how is he gonna admit all of his deepest, darkest secrets to me? Because you're a woman And, 'cause I'm a woman and I'm small. And I was like, he's not gonna resonate. Yeah. Yeah. And I made all these excuses in my head and my boss was like, go in there and get the confession.

And when I did and I realized that I could be a tool to protect the most vulnerable, yeah, I was like hooked. I mean, at that point I'm like, we're good, you know? So, and now it's. Now it's about extending it far beyond just my immediate investigations work. [00:12:00] It's America is powerful and beautiful and abundant, and I know it doesn't feel that way, but we create the communities and the missions that for sure we wanna see.

And But it's scary when you can work for everybody else, right? We're great at getting everybody else's mission done, but our mission is scary, so Yeah. It is. It is. I know I've been doing some work lately about there's God's work. There's your work and there's my work, and if I'm busy worrying about you, I'm in, or sorry, God's business.

Your business and my business. And if I'm worried about your business, then who's living my life? You know? And that's terrify. It's a huge deal, you know, taking that focus off, which we're also good at. And don't you think so much of like, not to get on like this whole America tangent, but like, don't you think so much of the sentiment these days is influenced by what the, the very biased snippets we get from the media.

I mean, like I remember when there was drama in Oregon and a patient that lived there. It was like the media keeps acting like there's all this crazy stuff going on. [00:13:00] They're like, it's like a block and it's not a big deal. It's been like that for decades, you know? Totally, totally. And I'm so glad you said that because the core of all of it is the fear, right?

Yeah. And I don't wanna give fear, more power than it really deserves, because I believe the love that we bring is more powerful than that. Mm-hmm. But you're absolutely right. Our, the way the body is designed right, is it's looking for what isn't working. Because Yeah, we have to survive like we need to, we need food, we need shelter, we need community, right?

Yeah. And, but the brain, like your work is partly centered around shifting from surviving to thriving. And you have to make an active decision around that. And we know, know, everybody knows the news. It has to make. Dollars. Right. And there're, it's made by humans anyway who are biased more than ever. More than Right?

Right. More than ever. And, and so, you know, you take what you can, but, but also as an investigator, you know, I've been in courtrooms so many [00:14:00] times. Mm-hmm. I've dealt with the news so many times 'cause we try to keep the community posted on what we're doing Right. As law enforcement. But you know, sometimes for national security, there are things we can't tell the press because.

There's a, a really good reason why, like the protection of the special ops guys or whatever. You never know. I know. You never know is where it's at. Being open and uncertainty is where happiness lies. Exactly. Exactly. And the fact is, you know, to your point, it's okay. I know that the news is. It is what it is.

What is the responsibility? I have to find the data myself. That's right. And make a decision for myself. And it's not gonna be a perfect answer every time. Right. But just doing the best you can with what you have. That's right. And I think to your point, it's all doom and gloom, but I'm actually not scared for America because of people like you.

Like there are too many English blacks out there who care and do the hard thing, and I think there's more of us than there are of the fear moners. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And then [00:15:00] people, but you know, the, the mistake is that we're not gonna make a difference. But if you're gonna complain about something, we can't complain unless we're willing to do something about it.

Oh my gosh, I love you so much. I've been saying that. I've been saying that like I need to get off of social media because I just see people complaining, like someone tries to create a solution. They're like, what about this? And you didn't do this? And I'm just like, what are you doing about it? Infectious.

I know. And that type of, that whole negativity, but we have a negative bias as humans. Well, I mean, speaking about that, so you know, from the vulnerable and just people and women in general. You coach them on owning their narrative, speaking up. Mm-hmm. How are you consciously shaping your own story without shrinking over explaining or hardening yourself?

'cause you've certainly had the exposure to justify that. Oh my gosh, that's such a good question, and I haven't said this out loud to anybody, but this evolution has been so fascinating to me because A, this was a calling and. God has been in the business of shaping me through these [00:16:00] callings. And so, and I'm an investigator, right?

So I have evidence now that the two other times I've been called a big thing. So the fir, the first was when I left active duty, I went to a human trafficking nonprofit. Mm-hmm. The second was I created large scale anti-child exploitation operations that had been replicated around the world. And I teach international and national law enforcement, judges, prosecutors, how to do all these things.

That's so cool. But. So now I have evidence. I'm like, when I get this feeling, I know that it's gonna be scary, but magic is gonna come out of it if I keep going. Number one. Number two is every iteration God's just teaching me how to trust and surrender more deeply, which is scary for us. Control freaks.

Yeah. Um, and literally what I know to be true from all those past the 21 years that I've been working, uh, for the American people is. I'm not enough, but God is, Hmm. I'm never enough. Like I, there's always something more [00:17:00] on the to-do list to be done. There's some inadequacy I have. Right. Even I know getting to office, like when I get into office, I know what to do.

I have the contacts, I understand how the systems work. We're gonna be kicking the doors in and creating just better laws to support America's growth. I can't wait. I'm so glad. Oh girl. I, I'm so excited. But at the same time, I don't know how to get to there because I'm not a politician. Yeah. Right. I'm not a career politician, but I, I just, I do what I can every day.

I seek the guidance, I get my instructions. God shows up in the craziest ways and every day it's literally like, I don't have to worry about tomorrow. To your point, I don't have to worry about her business. I have to worry about my business. Yeah. And so what am I doing to be aligned and know that? My gift, right?

To your point, my gift is actually, I'm really good at bringing people together, helping them see their greatest gift and helping them unleash it when it's scary. So I'm like, oh, hey, people in Montana. Whatever thing you're passionate [00:18:00] about, whatever you're mad about, come find me because I wanna hear your point of view.

And if you're an expert, I wanna know what do you think needs to be fixed? Yes. I don't have to be an expert on mining or agriculture. Right. Oh my gosh. Right. But I need, thank God. Thank God we don't all need to be experts on everything. Right, right. Well, and and being at the Pentagon, being in DC I was stationed at Quantico twice.

I was at the Pentagon. Once I've been in Capitol Hill, I've been in the White House. Those elected officials are no different from you and I. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They just think they deserve to be there and we're over here thinking they're like at another level. That's right. That's exactly, isn't that such a main, it's so much mindset.

So what, you know, emotional or psychological barrier. So I heard you talk about just knowing that God is bigger. What barriers do you see most often holding capable women back from leadership? Oh, good question. Yeah, I've been collecting data on this from clients, uh, for years. So there's two primary thoughts.

Yeah, [00:19:00] there's two primary thoughts. Number one, I'm not smart enough. Number two, I'm not educated enough and it's usually a credential, like I don't have the right degree or any degree or whatever it might be. So it's, it's about 80% of the people that I work with. And the, the. Public speaking events where I gather that data.

Yeah. Those are the two things. And, and it's fascinating because I tell people, I'm like, go look for examples of people who suffered from what you did and see how they made it work for them. Mm-hmm. Um, so, um, I'm trying to think of an example. I mean, there's so many examples, but, oh, uh, Richard Branson, uh, so the CEO of Virgin, he has dyslexia.

And there was a study that was done. Malcolm Gladwell talked about it in his book. David and Goliath. Yeah. Um, they did a study of Fortune 500 CEOs. They found a disproportionate number of those, uh, CEOs had dyslexia, and when they peeled the layers back on the onion, when they, what they found was [00:20:00] CEOs would say, when I was a kid and I was struggling to learn how to read because of this dyslexia, like it was awful.

It was horrible. But what I had to learn. In terms of a new different way to to read That's right. Right. Is actually what I needed in business. Like that skill is what made me the successful business person. I am. I love it. So when I do public speaking events and I ask people, you know, I'm like, I don't need you to raise your hand, but like if you have dyslexia, make a note of this.

Right? And then at the end I'm like, so now if you have dyslexia, how does it feel knowing you're in the running to be a Fortune 500 CEO? Yeah, I love it. Well, yeah, and it's just teaching that, I was actually just talking to my son about this after breaking his arm. He literally breaks a limb like every other year, and I was like, you know, I think God is sending us these challenges because it's teaching us resilience.

It's teaching us over and over and over again that we can do it. And it's like the hangover, but did you die? You know, it's like, no, you're still here. I love that so much. Yeah, teaching that neuroplasticity [00:21:00] to think more creatively. So on the one hand it really sucks to go through hard things, but on the other hand, then we don't learn the skills to overcome.

And create solutions. Right? 100%. And I'm sure you've heard this too, but one of my favorite sayings is God will teach, he will present the same problem over and over again until you've learned the lesson. And it will get more painful until you learn it. Girl, don't we know it? So, deep breath. Right? Right.

But, but at the, and that's why now I'm. I'm so thankful, and I'm not gonna lie, it is scary to run for public office. Like I'm a very private person. Mm-hmm. I just wanna mind my own business. You know, people are like, nobody knows you. I'm like, 'cause I've been putting my nose to the grindstone and working.

Yeah. Right. But, but at the same time, every day, like my new mission is regulate your nervous system. Right. When that fear comes up, I'm like, listen, I know up here in my brain that God's got it. Yeah. And my body's freaking out. And the dissonance is real. Yeah. [00:22:00] So my learning right now is how do I calm my body?

Yeah. And, but at the same time, it's so magical how, like, what happens. And I wanna give your, your listeners an example, some examples of like kind the magic on your body. Well, I mean, um, first it's, I have to decide, right? I'm like, I can either choose to be scared or I can choose to be courageous and be kind to myself.

So awareness, awareness is number one. And then, you know, I've got my breathing exercises and whatnot, but it's about learning in this season for me not to do it by myself. Mm-hmm. And. I have always kind of in my schedule, not always, maybe the last five years I leave 30% open for whatever God magic needs to happen.

Mm-hmm. And I will get calls from clients. So last week I, my body was freaking out. I got four emergency calls from clients. So these are 15 minute calls if they need to get out of a hole. Literally, it was all about. They're like, Alani, God, that thing you said that God was [00:23:00] gonna do that I was freaking out about for months.

God did it and he did it so much bigger than I thought. And oh my, and there's crying, right? And it's not just that they're calling to talk to me about these struggles, it's God sending them to me, to minister to me and say. I'm gonna provide for you too. Mm-hmm. Right. Love that. Like you're just five minutes down the road from this person.

Yeah. And you know, and I have to tell that client, right. I'm like, I know it was hard for you to reach out 'cause high achievers have a hard time asking for help. Yes. But I'm, but I, I tell them, I'm like, I want you to know you ministered to me too by calling special. And how great for them too, to hear that.

Right. And I'm, but I'm sure you have similar stories, right? Of when a client, you get that huge blessing of a client coming back and being like, oh my gosh, you changed my life and here's how. That's right. Well, and then when anybody comes in concerned or worried about looking, I'm like, look, you have to understand that selfishly, I can't let you do that.

Right. You know, 'cause this helps you, but. Helping you helped me. It's just such a [00:24:00] beautiful circle, right? 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you're coaching women to step into their power, what internal shift made you realize that you're ready to step into that political arena? Ooh. Oh, okay. So funny story. I, so I, I wasn't even aware, you know, like the politics was not something I ever imagined I would be in.

Um, and. I literally woke up one morning and I could just feel my intuition. It was like. You're gonna run for office. And I was like, I must not have heard that. Right. Right. Like, I'm just like, that's not right. So I was like, dear, baby Jesus, like, send me a sign. Right. Confirm that I'm not going crazy. There were 10 signs in that day.

Wow. And I was like, not those signs. Like, I mean, I really, I was like, this is gonna cost me so much. And politics is, it's, it's just, I. Not my thing historically. Right? [00:25:00] And the next day I wake up and in my spirit I feel this lack of peace. And I could just hear God telling me, he's like, you will have no peace until you obey.

That's what you gotta do. Right? Isn't that amazing? And it was so amazing and, but I was just like, Ugh, I know that. Okay. Like I will surrender. Right? And, and honestly, I had to go through a period of mourning the life that is gone now, right? That life of. Privacy and peace. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but at the same time, as cheesy as it sounds, I, I firmly believe like if you have power, you have it to protect the powerless.

And if you have money or abundance, your job is to serve the, the weak and the less abundance. With that. Yeah. And we have been given so much, I mean, being, like being American won the genetic lottery with that one. Mm-hmm. Um, the service has cost us a lot, my, me and my entire family, but. I know my calling, I [00:26:00] know my purpose.

And so at the end of the day, you know, it, it was a scary decision and every day I have to come to terms with it. And I even had to come to a point where I was like, you know, there's a part of me that's being really whiny about it to God. Like I, uh, Moses is my favorite biblical character for obvious, you know, I work in the trafficking space, the slavery connections, right.

And, you know, God literally told Moses. You're gonna do this, right? You're gonna get my people freed. And he didn't believe he whined the entire time. Yeah. True. And, and so my, my prayer in this season is I'm like, God, I just don't wanna be whiny about it. You know, I wanna take confident steps forward and trust you because I have all this mountain of evidence and I wanna show people that we are responsible for creating the country that we want, and.

All I see online and in different spaces is people who lead with their fear. And I'm like, you're so much greater than that honey. Like, I see [00:27:00] your potential and I need you to believe a tiny little mustard seed of faith that you can create the thing that you want, and I need you to do that. Like America's at a crossroads right now.

Yeah. What are you willing to offer to help her heal? It's selfish. It's selfish not to share your gift with everybody, right? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. That takes a mindset shift though, you know, because, I mean, and speaking of, I mean, a lot of, uh, you were talking about feeling, enjoying your privacy.

I mean, what'd you have to reconcile internally before making an announcement? Um, I had to come to a place that I a love God more than. It wasn't honoring, afraid of. Yeah. It wasn't honoring to me, right. Me or to God to just whine about like, oh, but my privacy. Right. Like, yeah. I, when I put my head on my deathbed mm-hmm.

And I'm looking back on my life, I've always wanted to leave it all out on the field, and [00:28:00] this is just the next evolution. So I had to come to a place of, am I gonna regret not running? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the answer is yes, clear. It sounds like, oh yeah, a hundred percent. But that doesn't mean it's not a process, right?

Like and, and I think it's important to highlight a lot of people, you know, when you listen to inspirational stuff, they're like, this bad thing happened and it was really hard. But that really hard piece. Is hard. Isn't that the truth? Yeah. It's hard to even put, like, how do you even articulate that? The weight of some of the mountains that we've overcome to get to be, you know, Alani 10.0 that's ready for the Senate and then you're gonna be Alani 11.0 to get to shift into this place of getting used to being in the public eye, being okay with that.

Right, right, right. We all get our microscope that way, and that's what it feels like when we put ourselves out there in any capacity, whether that's real or not. You know. Exactly. Exactly. Well, and I'm curious for you, because you know, with your podcast and you spreading your message of hope and confidence, like [00:29:00] what hurdle did you have to reconcile to put yourself out there?

Because it's scary to start a podcast. It's so scary. Well, I think just putting myself out there in public in general. I was actually just telling a family member the other day, I've had to come over, get over so much shame of shame that wasn't mine to carry. And things that I was, uh, embarrassed about historically in my life that I thought made me less than are actually, is exactly why I need to be putting myself out there to show people that, you know, look, if I can do this, you can do it.

You really can. It's literally a mindset shift and deciding to believe in yourself more than you believe in what you've been taught. Oh my gosh. Make a choice. Right? So good. And and sometimes we have to make it every day girl. It's like jumping off a cliff. Yeah, for, I mean for the amount of [00:30:00] fear for me that I had over, it's literally I am still going through waves of free fall and that is terrifying.

But I also, blessedly am to a point thanks to people like you and our coach, Dan Martel and other people that I've met in there and other women that I met along my journey. It's that, you know. You, you the right people come along to help move you along. And it's like they're there. It's. 100% what it's, what it's all about.

What it's all about. And, and you know, I have to say I love that so much because that's a key tool, right? And, and helping us on our courage journey is, you know, it's just like with my clients. I tell 'em, you have a toolbox and by the time we're done working together, you have a lot of different tools. And one of the key ones is who's your cheering squad?

Who, who's your group that sharpens you and you sharpen them? And I have a sticky note in my wallet of. Those five people, and when I let the noise mm-hmm. I love that. Get to my [00:31:00] heart and I look at that list, I'm like, is that person on this list? No. Okay. I have to make a decision to not care about their opinion.

Yeah. Right. Oh, I love that. What a great tool. That's just very practical and actionable. Right. So practical. Right. And, but that's what you just articulated. You're like, there are people that I know, I appreciate, respect their opinion, they're gonna tell me the truth, they're gonna love on me when I need it.

That's right. And we all need that. And, you know, society, I mean, uh, Montanans especially are rugged individualists to their core. I mean, that's the culture here. And we've swung a little bit too far. And, and what's, what is funny about Montana is they are rugged individuals, but they're so community oriented.

Um, you know, when you're in a ditch, like stuck in a snow pile, they don't ask what political party you're with. They get out and they help. Right? I mean, Montana's been in the national news lately because. Politicians locally have done things to build bridges [00:32:00] across the aisle. That, and, and, and when I talk to Montanans about that, I'm like, there's a reason why this is hitting national news because no other state is bringing red and blue together like this, and you guys are leaders and they don't, they don't understand that right.

When you're in it, you're like, it's just what we do. And I'm like, that's leadership. You know, one of my favorite inject. Dear friends, colleague Sarah Berg is in Montana and she's just a badass like yourself. I mean, you know, she can do all the things and she's gorgeous and runs an amazing clinic. She's just such a great model leader, and I think too that when you start to surround yourself with the right people, what starts to happen is they mirror back what it is.

You're seeking if I'm saying that right. You know, for me, part of my journey was like, you know, I'm really sick of hearing myself talk about this crap. You know, I think I'm ready for the next level 'cause this is, I'm done. I'm kind of done talking about this crap. Right. No. You know, the self-loathing or Yep.

Whatever it is. Hating your history. What? [00:33:00] But we're conditioned when we're kids and when we're teenagers. Especially when things happened to us around that timeline. Uh, it's harder because it's partly developmental. It was like ingrained in us. So it really takes a lot of, uh, effort and looking inside to break those.

Ugh, 100%. And that is another great tool that I love to highlight, which is a couple things, right? Like who inspires you? So who are those people that naturally you're like, I just always loved them. So what are their character traits that you feel so attracted to? Because that, to your point, reflects that's what I wanna see in me.

That's the best version of me. Yeah. And maybe. Maybe I already have that, or maybe I wanna cultivate that in myself a little bit more. Right. And on the flip side of that, envy is a powerful tool as well. Yeah. To, to reflect that. So, um, and I'm not an envious person. I'm very much like you were, I'm like their businesses, their business, and I'm happy for them.

Right. But I had a paying of envy. So I'll tell you, there's this badass female agent who, um, she [00:34:00] always. I'd look at her and just be like, she's better than me. You know? And, um, she's a dear friend of mine, but years ago I realized it was because she just we're so alike and she reflected the parts of me that I wanted to grow in.

Yeah, exactly. It's you, we see some part of ourself in there and, but, but the envy can be kind of a negative, icky feeling. So we're like, Ugh, don't give it to you. But if you can go there, it's so helpful. Right, exactly. And it's, and but approaching with curiosity. Of, you know, I'm like, this is really weird. I love her to pieces.

Why am I feeling like this? Yeah. And then I realized, I'm like, oh, because I wanna be kicking in doors. Badass. Like she's my next level of bad assery. And I had to draw on that with this Senate run is to be like, what would. Susie do. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And Susie would be like, what are you scared of? Like, we need you on the hill.

We need you creating good laws. You're a good person. Like, just get up there and, and freaking do it, you know? And I, yes ma'am. You know, like that's how [00:35:00] she is. So, um, so, and that's another tool, right? So I. If you just approach it all with curiosity rather than guilt and shame, it's just a game changer. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, confidence can is often misunderstood as loudness or can even be perceived as selfish or self-centered. How do you define confidence now as a woman, a leader, and as a candidate? Ooh, that is so good. I haven't really thought about that. I think in terms of confidence. I, I immediately jumped to the word faith because I feel like confidence is you being completely sure of yourself.

Mm-hmm. But in our human state. I can't be completely sure of what's waiting for me on the other side. Yeah. And so it's a, for me confidence is I bring my very best and I offer it in service to something bigger than me. And I know the confidence I have is, I know something magical is gonna happen. Mm-hmm.[00:36:00] 

And actually the evidence shows the magic is way more magical than anything you or I could have imagined. Isn't not the truth. So, so it's really very enmeshed with faith, which has an element of not knowing a hundred percent right? But it's the confidence of, so I, I know what I'm here for. Uplift. Mm-hmm.

People show people that they matter. That's my purpose. And so my confidence is every day, everything I do fits under that umbrella. Does this to-do list item help me, help other people see that they matter and that they, they have incredible value. No, I'm not doing it. Hmm. I love that. A line is my year word of the year line, girl.

I know. So good. So much harder. I was like, boy, I picked the word and I'm called to the mat. Yes, yes. But you know what I love about that is, you know, you, you hear that tension of like, oh gosh, is gonna be scary. Right? It's scary to be aligned, but you also know that. Either the universe is gonna drag you into your destiny [00:37:00] or you can go willingly.

Yeah. And I, but you go willingly and I love, like you just show up every day and it's so fun to watch your business grow and your impact grow and everything you post is just so inspiring. Like, I don't say it enough to you, but yeah, I'm always like, whenever I'm liking, whenever I see yourself, I'm like, oh my gosh, I needed to hear this today.

Thanks English. So yeah, thank I love the Atta girl. You know, it's such an interesting specialty because there's. Still, particularly in where I live, there's still so much stigma around aesthetic treatments and wanting to present our best self. Um, so. I don't always get the feedback because I think people are too embarrassed.

They're afraid that if other people see they're liking or interacting, they're like, oh, well she's drinking the sauce. Well, I'm like, I don't care. 'cause I drink the sauce. But I also, I have no shame about that. But I went through a different process to get here, so no, 100%, you know, I was thinking about you the other day because a client called me [00:38:00] and so she just graduated from my 12 session program.

Amazing leaps. But she calls me and she's like. Ani I, this was like. Right before Christmas, she's like, we got invited to all these holiday parties and like I went to this really fancy store in town and I wanted to buy all this like really pretty clothes. And she's like, normally I buy Costco clothes and you know, I'm not saying Costco's bad and I could just see her struggling with this.

Right. And I was like, honey, like there's nothing wrong with Costco clothes. I love Costco clothes. Yeah. But what you're saying is I want my outsides to match my insides. Yes. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And there's, and I was. There's no shame in it. That's none who we're, we're human beings. I love, I reposted something by Cody Sanchez, who's in her twenties, and she did, I know, and I loved what she, she was like, 2026 is a year of vanity.

She was like, get the gym membership, drink the green juice, you know, [00:39:00] exercise, get the lasers, because of all of the associations that are positive with the, with the positive feedback we get from the rest of the world, not only that. But how that literally lifts us, you know, and as human beings, we judge the attractiveness or anything, we judge the external within less than a second 100%.

It's just the animal part of us that's an animal that's biological, so we can't fight that. Right? So pretending that, that that's not true and acting like only our hearts are what's visible. Isn't there? So, exactly. Let's line up the outside, with the outside or, you know, and that may, that means something different for everyone.

Yes. And we're here to honor and celebrate it for however that looks for somebody. Right? Oh my gosh, that is so good. On so many levels. So, so you reminded me of the beginning of my journey, and I mean, I admit, I, I was one of those people who. You know, was like, oh, you know, anything [00:40:00] aesthetic, like I'm not do right.

Yeah. Like I'm a military chick. It's brass tacks. Right? And, and it started with. I had some serious like mental health, physical stuff because of my military service and working in child trafficking Yeah. That I had to address. And, but along the way I met these incredible medical professionals that were like, Alani, you're worth so much more than the suffering you feel like you have to allow for yourself.

And then it became. You know, learning that most serotonin, the happy drug, right? The happy chemicals made in the, in the gut. And I'm like, I'm feeding my body garbage. Uh, what, what can I do to make this a little bit better? And then coming to a place of my body is like, I needed massages. And, and it was very humbling to come, come to a place of, that was my, um, two years ago.

I was like, I'm gonna try to get one massage every couple of months and meeting these amazing practitioners who. Fed my soul. It wasn't even just about the body. [00:41:00] And then actually right after this, um, I have to go, I'm gonna go get a face, a facial, and Oh, awesome. My, which old me would've been like, that's so frivolous.

But my facial girl, she bought the building. And she created a community of practitioners. So whether it's like a hair hairstylist or you know, like whatever stuff in that space. But she is the story of Montanan growth to me. Yeah. Like when she talks about the difficulty of, and the fear of buying a whole building and then building out this community and, but, so it's not just about a facial.

It's the joy of connecting with this other amazing human and all of that. I would've robbed myself of if I stuck with this. View of, oh, it's superficial to wanna take care of the body that God gave you, by the way. Yeah. Right. But you know, I think as women we are just because, well, it's so confusing. Let's just start there because we are supposed to be [00:42:00] nurturers and take care of everybody else.

But then culturally, we get these messages that we are supposed to look a certain way and not only look a certain way, but you know, back in the eight when we were little, the magazines, it was like a big deal that they touched up the photos, you know? And now it's not even a touching up. It's like, Hey, let's just create an AI image.

You know? It's like a whole nother level. So it's very confusing. It's like. Uh, emotionally we're not supposed to have self-care, but externally, the message is everywhere that we should only take care of ourselves. And so we just have to find in our hearts how we reconcile that in the middle. Right. Oh my gosh, that is so good.

And you reminded me of how counterintuitive this whole journey is. Yeah. And so, you know, like I practice Christianity, right? And so if someone's struggling with their faith, I always say like, whatever your higher power is like. But from my perspective, the number one commandment we have is love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.

And actually [00:43:00] one of the things that I teach people who have similar faith backgrounds is. You know, we often get to love your neighbor, which is your point, right? Serve everybody else. Yeah. But then one day it was like the, the final words jumped off the page to me of as yourself. And I realized I didn't love myself very much.

Isn't that the truth? And, and I realized my ability to love others is actually contingent on how much love I have for myself. And so when I, when I talk to people, especially in the beginning of their journey with me, you know, and they're like, but it feels so selfish to do these things. I'm like, your ability to love and nurture yourself is the most important thing.

Right. Dan Martel says, work on yourself harder than you work on your business. Yeah, exactly. And it's because when you pour into your cup, you're able to give out so much more. Mm-hmm. That's so true. It's paradoxical. Yeah, it is. It is. It's like the, [00:44:00] the reminder on the, you know, um, the drown the airplane going down, you know, and the oxygen mask come out.

If you don't put it on yourself first, you're gonna run out of oxygen maybe before you get it on your neighbor, even though that sounds so, uh, so noble. But then it's also like girl culture, which, you know, growing up, I, I never quite fit into that, but it's so confusing because then there's an element of community.

Versus judgment and who fits in and who's who doesn't. And you just gotta find your people. Right. They will come. They will come. Exactly. And and I would also love to point out something that you said just a second ago of. Finding your people, but also you feel so apart, right? Mm-hmm. And in, in our spiritual talk, we call that being set apart because you have a unique mission.

Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right. And so, you know, so often we feel like aliens we're like, oh my gosh, I'm so weird. Like nobody, I can't seem to resonate. Right? But when I go to a Dan Martell event, [00:45:00] or I went to Summit A Greatness with Louis Howes, it's literally. Environments of people who are just like you and I of, yes.

How can I be the best version of myself because I have a mission that I wanna go after, and those are the people that the world needs, right? And so, you know, I'm not gonna sit here and say that. Social media doesn't bother me. It does 'cause I'm a human. But at the same time, I have to cognitively decide I'm not here for follower accounts.

'cause I see the impact my business has. I have the clients coming in. Right. And I, so all that to say it is a process of refining, but first understanding if you feel like an alien, it's 'cause you have a bigger mission of leadership. That's true. That's true. That is. It is scary, but when you find your English blacks to inspire you, oh my gosh, it's so much easier.

It's so much easier. It is so much easier. And I gotta thank you. 'cause that time with the last time we were scheduled to do our podcast together and I was not feeling well and I was [00:46:00] kind, you know, and it's hard 'cause when you don't feel well, your brain isn't functioning right. I was like, I just don't understand.

You were like, well, what if you didn't have to understand and you just had to accept? And I was like, I had, I was like, well, I need to schedule a call with Alani. I mean, I rocked my world. I was like, oh crap, I gotta work on this acceptance piece. You know? It's like, but on the one hand, anyway, I can go down a whole long road.

But on the one hand, it's like that's how we fight. Our way to creating our purpose is by not accepting. Right, right, right. But then on the other hand. That's the way to piece and that is the, that is, and, and at some point it's the unlock to the next level is some level of acceptance so that you can work on the other things.

Right? Yeah. And, and I love what you said too, because that's a different tool of. The hustle and grind culture, right? The non-acceptance, especially when you're younger and you're hungry for proving yourself, right? There's a time and a season for everything, and that fighting through was a tool that [00:47:00] helped you build this amazing thing, but now you're like, oh, no, actually that is a tool that I can put down and I'm ready to pick up a different tool that is gonna help me create something even more powerful, right?

So, yeah. Well, this conversation is such a powerful reminder that confidence isn't something we perform. It's something that we return to. So you showed us today what it's like to lead without abandoning yourself, to move from service to self-trust, to visibility. Not because it's easy, but because it's aligned.

Thank you so much for your time, Alani. We can't wait to have you back. Thank you so much English. I am so excited. I'm always cheering you on you. I can't wait to see where you land, but thank you for the opportunity and for the conversation. This was amazing. Same girl. Same. I might need some Montana citizenship so I can get over there.

Yes, you do. Vote for Lonnie Bank Head, US Senate. That's right. That's right. Thanks so much.[00:48:00] 

Wait, wait. Before you go, thank you so much for joining me on the curated confidence today. If this conversation sparked something within you, please don't keep that transformation to yourself. Share this episode with a friend. Subscribe so you never miss a dose of curated confidence. And please leave us a quick review wherever you listen it.

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